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So who am I then?

”What you are is what you get, what the hell do you expect?” – Sator

I want to save the world, but I can’t stand the people in it.
I have an unshakable faith in the awesomeness of life on earth, but an irresistible urge to bury myself in the darkest, most terrible events that have ever happened.
I have nightmares about burning buildings, but get a rush whenever I light a match.
I am female, but in my dreams and mind I’m male.
I’m a rabble-rouser that can’t be bothered to get off her arse anymore.
I’m a scientist that believes in magic, and in quantum physics.
I am a scholar with a university degree in chemistry that walked away from the lab and ended up a happy metalworker.
I am a hopeless optimist, a bitter cynic, an esoteric atheist, an anarchist and a socialist.
I distrust politics, dislike politicians, and yet believe that the state handles things better than corporations.
I immerse myself so much in novels and movies, that the books I read to relax are always fact, not fiction.
I have found the man of my dreams, but still watch women’s arses when I walk down the street.
I am trying to change, but my brain keeps outsmarting me.
I am fascinated by the concept of America, yet rather intimidated by the oddness of it.
I consider myself to have few prejudices, then finds myself encountering prejudices I didn’t even think I had.
I am deeply emotional and coldly analytical about my emotions.
I am creative, but I fear to take my creativity seriously enough to make something of it.
I am crazily enthusiastic about projects, and yet, so utterly lazy when nothing is catching my interest at the moment.
I write all the time, yet everything I show to people is my English writings which I think are a lot worse than my Swedish.
I know myself, all three of me.
I am a Swedish metalhead that...

...no, that’s actually just it. There is no other side to metal for me. Metal saved my sanity, my life and my mind. Without it, I would not be able to function. Music is by far the best drug there ever was.

And I’m addicted.